The Hidden Costs of Going It Alone and How Coaching Can Help

Feb 4
3 min read

Many people believe that handling challenges on their own shows strength and independence. The mindset of "I'll handle it myself" often feels like the right choice, especially when facing personal or professional struggles. Yet, this approach can quietly erode resilience over time. Isolation, even when chosen, can drain energy, cloud judgment, and reduce the ability to bounce back from setbacks.

Why the “I’ll Handle It Myself” Mindset Feels Strong

Taking full responsibility for your problems can feel empowering. It signals control and self-reliance, qualities admired in many cultures. When you say, “I’ll handle it myself,” you avoid burdening others or appearing vulnerable. This mindset can be especially common among high achievers, leaders, or those who have faced tough situations before.

This approach has short-term benefits:

Immediate control over decisions and actions
Avoidance of potential judgment or criticism
A sense of personal accomplishment when problems are solved independently

But the strength it signals can mask deeper challenges that build up over time.

How Isolation Erodes Resilience

Resilience is the ability to recover from difficulties and keep moving forward. It depends not only on inner strength but also on external support and perspective. When you isolate yourself, resilience weakens in several ways:

1. Emotional Drain

Handling everything alone means carrying all emotional burdens without relief. Over time, stress hormones increase, leading to burnout, anxiety, or depression. Without someone to share feelings with, emotions can become overwhelming.

2. Narrowed Perspective

When you rely only on your own views, it’s easy to get stuck in unhelpful thought patterns. Fresh ideas, feedback, or alternative solutions are less accessible. This limits problem-solving ability and can cause stagnation.

3. Reduced Motivation

Support from others often fuels motivation. Encouragement, accountability, and shared goals help maintain momentum. Without this, motivation can wane, making it harder to push through challenges.

4. Missed Learning Opportunities

Others can offer insights based on their experiences. Isolation cuts off this valuable learning, slowing growth and development.

5. Physical Health Impact

Chronic stress from isolation affects sleep, immune function, and overall health. This physical toll further reduces resilience.

Real-Life Example: The Manager Who Refused Help

Consider a manager who believed asking for help would make them look weak. They took on all responsibilities alone, working long hours and avoiding feedback. Over months, their performance slipped, and they felt exhausted and isolated. Eventually, they faced burnout and had to take extended leave.

This example shows how the “I’ll handle it myself” mindset can backfire, leading to worse outcomes than if support had been sought earlier.

Coaching as Strategic Support, Not Weakness

Coaching provides a structured way to gain support while maintaining control. It is not about handing over responsibility but about enhancing your ability to handle challenges.

What Coaching Offers

Objective perspective: Coaches ask questions that help you see situations differently.
Accountability: Regular sessions encourage follow-through on goals.
Skill building: Coaches help develop problem-solving, communication, and emotional regulation skills.
Safe space for vulnerability: Sharing struggles without judgment builds trust and reduces emotional load.
Customized strategies: Coaching adapts to your unique needs and circumstances.

Why Coaching Is a Strength

Choosing coaching means investing in yourself. It shows self-awareness and a commitment to growth. It helps you build resilience faster and more sustainably than going it alone.

How to Get Started with Coaching

If you feel stuck in the “I’ll handle it myself” mindset, here are some steps to explore coaching:

Identify your goals: What areas do you want to improve or challenges you want to overcome?
Research coaches: Look for credentials, specialties, and client reviews.
Schedule a consultation: Many coaches offer free initial sessions to see if it’s a good fit.
Commit to the process: Coaching works best with regular sessions and openness to change.

Practical Tips to Balance Independence and Support

You don’t have to give up independence to get support. Try these strategies:

Share small challenges with trusted friends or mentors to build comfort with vulnerability.
Use coaching or peer groups for accountability on specific goals.
Set boundaries to maintain control while inviting input.
Reflect regularly on what support you need and adjust accordingly.

Reach out now to learn more: